What are some of your favorite word play jokes?

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."

My former business partner and I used to play a game that we called AUNP, Alternate Universe Names and Phrases. Here are some examples:

Door agony...Window pane
Away sour away...Home sweet home

One would say the AUNP and the other person would have to guess the answer. We had hundreds of them, should have written them down. Got any of your own?

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

She replied, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "That's not a Porch; it's a Ferrari."

This is one of my favorites! :)

I've told this on on Ask, but not here.

A barman named Dick had a regular customer, a doctor, who came in each afternoon and had a daiquiri. But he liked a walnut in it to give it a different flavour.
One afternoon Dick saw him come through the door and realised he'd forgotten to buy any walnuts but he did have some hickory nuts; he dropped one in, hoping the doctor wouldn't notice.
But the Doc took one sip and said, "Is this a walnut daiquiri, Dick?"
"It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."