Lately I can relate to this one .. And this is the first time I've tried to add a photo to an answer so if it works good .. If not then this answer makes no sense at all:)
To be honest, I kind of see myself as RumpleStiltSkin from Once Upon A Time. Not necessarily in the evil sense but in his personality (Although alittle evil may slip out, lol). Much like the way RumpleStiltSkin feels that he needs magic to cover up his inadequacy and to hide from his fear I, too, sometimes feel the need to cover my inadequacy and hide from it instead of facing my fear. Best of luck to you!