Funny Things To Say When Answering The Phone?

16 Answers

Iris Phillips Profile
Iris Phillips answered
Funny things to say when answering the phone may include things like: 'Home for the terminally confused, who am I, please?' or 'City Morgue here, John Doe speaking', or 'Woof. County dog pound, Rover speaking'. Another good one is 'Sorry, this line has been taken over by the FBI. Please state your name and contact details, an agent will be visiting your home shortly'.

  • Get Holy
How about answering the phone with 'Heavenly Gates exchange, please hold, God's line is busy', or 'Hark the herald angels, sorry, this is the Lord speaking, how can I help you?'. Someone recently answered his phone with 'House of God, Abraham speaking, how may I be of assistance?'.

  • Get Wicked
'Hell here. Purgatory Dept, Lucifer speaking, how may I punish you?', 'Chain him back up now and stoke that fire, sorry, Satan here, how can I torture you?' and 'Hell, long term penitence section, Hitler speaking' are some examples of hellish answers on the phone.

  • Get Scary
'Family planning, here, congratulations, your girlfriend is having triplets', 'Hello, usalama wa taifa hapa Tanzania, jinsi gani naweza kukusaidia', which is Swahili for: 'Hello, national security Tanzania here, how can I help you?', try Google translate for pronunciation.

  • Plain Silly
'Roadkill Carvery, we grill what you kill', 'Ugly convention center, Frankenstein speaking', 'Oh my God, the voices are here again' and 'Pleasure center, what tickles you?' are just some of the many choices heard.

Others include 'You have dialed a restricted line. The CIA kindly requests that you get off right now', 'Alcoholics anonymous, hang on let me put the bottle down', this works best if said in a very drunken voice, 'I told you twice already, I am out right now' and 'McDonald's Tokyo, can I take your order' in a Japanese accent.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hello buddy the elf what is your favorite color?
Ray Dart Profile
Ray Dart answered

My answering machine in the US used to answer with.

"Hi, you've got through to Ray Dart. Sorry I can't take your call right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you, unless you are Edna Splinge."

One day I came home to about two dozen messages from various different females all claiming to be Edna Splinge, and asking why I was not returning their calls.

To this day I have no idea who set up the joke.

The next day, I changed the message to "Hi, this is Ray Dart, and I'm out right now, unless you are a burglar. In which case I'm in, with a very big and bad-tempered dog."

I also used to answer "Swimming Pool" when people called my internal number at the office, which confused everyone. (We didn't have a pool).


Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This is reno 911 how may I assist you?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
(insert name here)'s coroners office. You ice em we slice em!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Say "hello, welcome to city wok" in an asian voice should sound like ''herro wercome to shity wok''
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Say hey in a retarded voice and talk like that the whole conversation and after everything the person says say Chili in another language
Delaney Weaver Profile
Delaney Weaver answered
Hello anonymous! Say "hey this is the pizza guy, did you want to order a pizza?" (in a teenage weirdo voice)

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