Funny Things To Say When Answering The Phone?

Funny things to say when answering the phone may include things like: 'Home for the terminally confused, who am I, please?' or 'City Morgue here, John Doe speaking', or 'Woof. County dog pound, Rover speaking'. Another good one is 'Sorry, this line has been taken over by the FBI. Please state your name and contact details, an agent will be visiting your home shortly'.

• Get Holy

How about answering the phone with 'Heavenly Gates exchange, please hold, God's line is busy', or 'Hark the herald angels, sorry, this is the Lord speaking, how can I help you?'. Someone recently answered his phone with 'House of God, Abraham speaking, how may I be of assistance?'.

• Get Wicked

'Hell here. Purgatory Dept, Lucifer speaking, how may I punish you?', 'Chain him back up now and stoke that fire, sorry, Satan here, how can I torture you?' and 'Hell, long term penitence section, Hitler speaking' are some examples of hellish answers on the phone.

• Get Scary

'Family planning, here, congratulations, your girlfriend is having triplets', 'Hello, usalama wa taifa hapa Tanzania, jinsi gani naweza kukusaidia', which is Swahili for: 'Hello, national security Tanzania here, how can I help you?', try Google translate for pronunciation.

• Plain Silly

'Roadkill Carvery, we grill what you kill', 'Ugly convention center, Frankenstein speaking', 'Oh my God, the voices are here again' and 'Pleasure center, what tickles you?' are just some of the many choices heard.

Others include 'You have dialed a restricted line. The CIA kindly requests that you get off right now', 'Alcoholics anonymous, hang on let me put the bottle down', this works best if said in a very drunken voice, 'I told you twice already, I am out right now' and 'McDonald's Tokyo, can I take your order' in a Japanese accent.

Road kill cafe, you kill em we grill em

Hello buddy the elf what is your favorite color?

My answering machine in the US used to answer with.

"Hi, you've got through to Ray Dart. Sorry I can't take your call right now, but leave a message and I'll get back to you, unless you are Edna Splinge."

One day I came home to about two dozen messages from various different females all claiming to be Edna Splinge, and asking why I was not returning their calls.

To this day I have no idea who set up the joke.

The next day, I changed the message to "Hi, this is Ray Dart, and I'm out right now, unless you are a burglar. In which case I'm in, with a very big and bad-tempered dog."

I also used to answer "Swimming Pool" when people called my internal number at the office, which confused everyone. (We didn't have a pool).

This is reno 911 how may I assist you?

Hello (your county name e.g Basildon) nut house

(insert name here)'s coroners office. You ice em we slice em!

Potato, that should confuse them lol

Please forgive us, this number does not exist,please try again later.

Say "hello, welcome to city wok" in an asian voice should sound like ''herro wercome to shity wok''

Say bye when you answer haha

Top of the world, god speaking

Say hey in a retarded voice and talk like that the whole conversation and after everything the person says say Chili in another language

Hello anonymous! Say "hey this is the pizza guy, did you want to order a pizza?" (in a teenage weirdo voice)