Farting All The Time
Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"
Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"
The Doctor nods, "Hmm."
Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,
He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.
The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"
"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
A salesman rings a ladies house, and is permitted to show his product to her, the best detergent on the market, it cleans everything incredibly well. She brings him a kitchen towel to use and wash, he says, "washy, washy, washy, rinsy, rinsy, rinsy, looks good, feels good, smells good, I need something tougher to clean ma'am." She brings a pair of her husbands socks, "washy, washy, washy, rinsy, rinsy, rinsy, looks good, feels good, smells good. Now I need something really, really hard to clean." She brings him a pair of her underwear after some thought, "Washy, washy, washy, rinsy, rinsy, rinsy, looks good, feels good, (sniff, sniff), washy, washy, washy...
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces,"My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the otherside with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or theone million dollars?"The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"
Larry the Cable Guy's joke. My family like to eat at Cracker Barrel. The reason they put in a gift shop was so that they could have time to restock the kitchen. Apparently his family ate a lot. Peace
A doctor, a lawyer and a banker were passing through a King's garden. With all sorts of fruits in the garden, hungry and greedy as they were, they decided to steal some fruits thinking no one will notice.
The King somehow finds out and send his soldiers to capture and bring the men in front of him. First comes the doctor with a bunch of grapes in his hands, The cruel King orders the doctor to shove remaining grapes up his butt. The grapes were soft so doctor manages somehow.
Then comes the lawyer with an appe, King orders him to shove apple up his butt, difficult as it was, lawyer while trying push apple up his but was crying but also laughing occassionally.
King was astonished and asked lawyer, I understand you are crying because apple is rather large but why the heck would you laugh?
The banker is coming with a watermelon, replied the lawyer.